knowledge pedia : Blonde SMS Jokes

→ Q : Why are blonde jokes so short?
A : So men can remember them.

→ Q : Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
A : Because they can understand them

→ Q : How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A : Shine a flashlight in their ear.

→ Q : What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A : They're both empty from the neck up

→ Q : Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A : From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"

→ Q : Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A : So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills

→ Q : What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A : Far-from-thinking

→ Q : Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A : They keep breaking them with the hammers.

→ She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

→ She thought a quarterback was a refund.

→ She tripped on the cordless phone

→ She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind

→ She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept

→ At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Leo

→ If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless

→ When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved

→ Q : What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A : She slipped off and fell down the drain

→ Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her months to figure out she could use it at night

→ Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? Because it said "concentrate"
→ What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring

→ Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can t fit the bottle in the typewriter

→ What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!

→ What are two reasons why blondes don't mind their own business? No mind. No business

→ Why did 18 blondes go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed

→ Two blondes were driving to Tokyo Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, "Tokyo Disneyland Left", so they turned around and went home

→ Why did the blonde dye her hair red? Instant Intelligence!

→ Why do blondes drive BMWs? Because they can spell it

→ Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: On the back she saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.

→ Q: What does Star Trek's Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: Space. The final frontier..........

→ Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus?
A: She took the 33 bus twice instead.

→ Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don't have elevator jobs?
A: Cos they've no idea of the route.

→ Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes Twinkle?
A: You shine a torchlight in her ear.

→ Q: Did you hear about the blond Bear?
A: Got stuck in a hunter's trap, chewed off it's 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck.

→ Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O.

→ Q: How do you measure their intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in their ear.

→ It's with great tragedy that I report my blonde next door neighbour tried to kill her toy poodle.
She tried putting batteries in it.

→ To amuse a Blonde for hours, give her a sheet of paper with 'Please turn over' scribbled on both sides.

→ Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

→ Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.

→ Q: What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
A: The Branch Manager.

→ Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proof-reading.

→ Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

→ Q: Why do blondes love lightning?
A: They reckon somebody is taking their photo.

→ It's with tremendous sadness that I report a local blond girl has lost 95% of her brains....yes, her husband just died.

→ Q: What's brown, red, black and blue?
A: A Brunette who's been tellin one too many blonde jokes.

→ NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones.

→ Q: Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
A: She couldn't find the recipe.

→ Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 2. 1 to hold the Diet Irn-Bru and the other to call on 'Daddddyyy'

→ Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

→ Q: What did the blonde do when she heard on the news that over 90% of accidents occur at the home?
A: She moved.

→ Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of Sixty?
A: A blonde parade.

→ Q: Why did the blonde call the job centre?
A: She wanted to find out how to cook food stamps.

→ Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in 6 or 12 pieces.
A: "Oh, only Six I think - I'd never manage to eat all 12 pieces."

→ Q: What do you call a Smart blonde?
A: A Golden Retriever.

→ Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-Air.

→ Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Cos sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

→ Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: Both are completely empty from the neck up.

→ Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

→ Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

→ Q: How do you drive a blonde Insane?
A: Hide her Hair Dryer.

→ Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: alone.

→ Q: How do you know a blonde has robbed your house?
A: You notice the microwave is gone, but a note is there in it's place saying: "Thanks for the TV"

→ Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

→ Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day?
A: Lend her your bottle of Shampoo that says "lather, rinse, repeat".

→ Q: What do you call a blonde on a University Campus?
A: A visitor.

→ Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: A Rooster says in the Morning - "Cockll-doodlle-doooooo", while a blonde shouts, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

→ Q: What is the best secretary in the world to have?
A: The one that never misses a period.

→ Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A: "Thanks, guys!".

→ Q: What's the difference between a blonde and The Titanic?
A: They know how many men went down on The Titanic.

→ Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
A: There's fewer crabs in the Atlantic.

→ Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Duke only 'had' Ten Thousand men.

→ Q: How does a horny guy spell relief?
A: B-L-O-N-D-E.

→ Q: Why was the Blonde Girl smiling as she walked down the marriage eisle?
A: Cos she knew she'd given her last Blow job.

→ Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

→ Q: What do a Boeing 747 and a blonde have in common?
A: Both contain a cockpit

→ Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Great Tits!!!"

→ Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a blow-up Doll?
A: Around 2 cans of hair spray.

→ Q: Why is a blonde like a stamp?
A: Both get licked, then stuck, and finally sent on their way.

→ Q: Why is a blonde like railway tracks?
A: Cos she's been laid all over the country.

→ Q: What does a blonde say after having multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team.

→ Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been playing with your Computer?
A: Your joy stick will be soaking wet.

→ Q: Why do saunas remind some people of blondes?
A: Cos both are steamy and wet on entry, and hey, they don't mind if you bring friends.

→ Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She scorched her lips on the exhaust pipe.

→ Q: What's the difference between a Mosquito and a blonde?
A: On slapping a Mosquito, it will stop sucking.

→ Q: Why is a blonde like a shotgun?
A: Give her a cock and she'll be ready to blow.

→ Q: How would a blond interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

→ Q: What does a blonde look like after sex?
A: No idea mate. I'm already long gone....

→ Q: What's a blondes favorite Nursery Rhyme?
A: HumpMe DumpMe.

→ Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Cuz everyone gets a turn.

→ Q: Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"?
A: She loved to get filled with Cream.

→ Q: In a Blonde's mind what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

→ Q: Why does a blonde have an IQ 1 point higher than a Coppers Horse?
A: So she won't shit on the street during a rally.

→ Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
A: One's a bunch a cunning runts.

→ Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

→ Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde lesbian?
A: Well, she kept having affairs with men.

→ Q: What is the difference between a blonde and most men?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

→ Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

→ Q: When visiting Scotland, what is a Blonde's favorite destination?
A: Silicon Glen

→ Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

→ Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

→ Q: What would a blonde use for protection during sex?
A: A bus shelter.

→ Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.

→ Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.

→ 45. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?

→ Q: Why does a blond have T.G.I.F. on the front of her shirt?
A: Tits Go In Front.

→ Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.

→ Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

→ Q: What's the blonde's idea of dental floss?
A: Pubic hair.

→ Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of seamen.

→ Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A: Their Mommies told em never to speak to strangers.

→ Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week!

→ Q: What do a 250cc Scooter and a blonde have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one

→ Q: What's the difference between a blonde on her back and a turtle on it's back?
A: Absolutely Nothing - both are totally screwed!

→ Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

→ Q: How do you get a blonde off of her knees?
A: Come.

→ Q: What do you call a brunette and 4 sexy blondes on a corner?
A: You don't, you see if you've got 4 condoms

→ Q: What do a blonde and an instant win lottery ticket have in common?
A: Simply scratch the box to win.

→ Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

→ It's important to realise that Blondes can't go water-skiing - when their crotch gets wet they think they gotta lay down...

→ . It's even more important to realise the big difference between blondes and bitches - a blonde will screw anyone, whilst a bitch will screw anyone but you...

→ It's worth remembering why blondes can't count to 70 - it's cos 69 is already a bit of a mouthful...

→ Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PHd in Psychology?
A: She'll blow your mind, too.

→ Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limo?
A: Well, not everybody's went to town in a limo!

→ Q: Have you heard about the blonde virgin?
A: She hangs out with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus

→ Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.

→ Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had 2 chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times.

→ Q: What did the blondes left leg say to her right?
A: As if they've ever met!

→ Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.

→ Q: What do blonde's do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.

→ Q: What do blonde's do with their Assholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.

→ Q: What's the link between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: Both get screwed on the front of a Ford Fiesta.

→ Q: What nickname is most used by blonde's in order to boost their popularity?
A: B.J.

→ Q: What is blonde, brunette, blond, brunette ...?
A: A blonde doing cartwheels.

→ Q: How do you know when a blonde's been in your refridgerator?
A: There's lipstick on your cucumbers/courgette/zuchini.

→ Q: What's a 68 to a blonde?
A: It's where she goes down on you and you owe her one.

→ Q: What's the white stuff you find in a blonde's panties?
A: Clitty litter.

→ Q: Why is it that Blonde's always get confused in the Ladies rest room?
A: Well, it's cost they gotta pull their own pants down...

→ Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Because their balls would show.

→ Q: What do you call a blonde with an I.Q of 100?
A: A foursome.

→ 84. Q: What is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde?
A: Vaseline and Poligrip.

→ 85. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: There's a fold-up bed in the Stock room and permanent smiles on the Bosses' faces.

→ Q: What is a bellybutton for?
A: It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.

→ Q: What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head?
A: Sweet fuck all.

→ Q: Why did the blonde give a b*** job after sex?
A: She wanted to have her cock and eat it too.

→ Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.

→ Q: Why did the blonde guy put ice in his condom?
A: To keep the swelling down.

→ Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?
A: Her employer found that she was embezzling.

→ 92. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

→ Q: What is the smartest thing that can come out of a blonde's mouth?
A: Einstein's d**k.

→ Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
A: A blow job with handlebars.

→ Q: What did the blonde say during a xxx flick?
A: "Hey fellas, Look! There I am!"

→ Q: How does a blond prepare for safe sex?
A: She puts on rubber based lipstick.98. Q: What does XXX stand for?
A: Blondes co-signing a note.

→ 99. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Finland, turn around and come back home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a tv set.

→ Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three of your fingers inside a bowling ball.

→ Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size?
A: Silicone chips.

→ Q: Did you hear about the blonde who attempted to drive to EuroDisney?
A: She saw a sign saying: "EuroDisney Left" so she went home.

→ Did you hear about the blonde who put under Education on her job application, 'Hooked On Phonics'...

→ Q: What did the blonde girl name her pet Zebra?
A: Spot.

→ Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the pedestrian sign said "DON'T WALK".

→ Q: What does a blonde Owl say?
A: What, what?

→ Q: What do you see when you look directly into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.

→ Q: What did the Dumb Blonde do when she went to a film that had an NC-17 (no under 17's) rating? A: Went home and got 16 friends.

→ Q: What do you call a blond behind a steering wheel?
A: An air bag.

→ Q: How do you tell if a blonde writes Mysteries?
A: She's got a checkbook.

→ Q: How can you tell a FAX has been sent from a blonde?
A: There's a stamp on it.

→ Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: Threw it off a cliff.

→ Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: Keep breakin em' with hammers.

→ Q: What's the difference between blondes and McDonald's?
A: A blonde serves more people in a night.

→ Q: What happens when a blonde developes Alzheimers?
A: Her IQ goes up.

→ Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.

→ Q: What's the guaranteed method to totally confuse a Blonde Man?
A: Ask him to alphabetise a King-size bag of M&Ms.

→ Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

→ Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it.

→ Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blondes head?
A: A Space Invader.

→ Q: What's the difference between a dumb blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

→ Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: Manages to get the Pop Tarts out the toaster in one piece.

→ Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

→ Q: How many stupid blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two - one to stand inside the bath, the other to pass the hair dryer.

→ Q: What's the diff between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

→ Q: Did you hear about the dumb blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

→ Q: What's a dumb Blondes favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

→ Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch a cold?
A: No need for em to worry about blowing their brains out.

→ Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

→ Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on top of her.

→ Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champion.

→ Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

→ Q: What does a postcard from a blonde's vacation say?
A: Having a fantastic time. Where am I?

→ Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: Present her with a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say "Hello"

→ Q: Why are blonde's immune to Mad Cow Disease?
A: It only affects the brain.

→ Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde?
A: Blow in her ear - if natural, watch as she floats...

→ Q: What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?
A: Double-dumb.

→ Q: Where do you look for blonde's obituaries?
A: Under "Home Improvements."

→ Q: Why did the blonde go to the rehab center?
A: Because she thought she was hooked on phonics.

→ Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: 30 mins of begging.

→ Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's quite difficult opening the legs of an Ironing Board.

→ Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.

→ Q: What would you do if a Blond threw a hand grenade right at you?
A: You'd pull the pin and throw it back.

→ Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

→ Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.

→ Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Mercedes?
A: You don't lend the Merc out to your friend.

→ Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: Sooner or later they'll both end up in the gutter.

→ Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: She didn't want to waken the sleeping pills.

→ Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

→ Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

→ Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

→ Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night.

→ Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

→ Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.

→ Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) Well...Like, I dunno!

→ Q: What's the difference between a smart blonde and the Yeti?
A: Yeti has been spotted.

→ Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

→ Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
A: Retardo.

→ Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

→ Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

→ Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

→ Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

→ What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A blonde going through a flashing red light.

→ Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
Because she blows the horn!

→ Why is a blonde like a door knob?
Because everybody gets a turn.

→ Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
Because she's been laid all over the country.

→ Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
She kept having affairs with men!

→ What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
She picks up her purse and goes home.

→ To a blonde, what is long and hard?
Grade 4.

→ What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.

→ Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
Because at 69 they blow a rod...

→ What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

→ Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

→ What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

→ Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
They both drip when they're fucked.

→ How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

→ Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night.

→ A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

→ A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

→ What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door.

→ Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

→ What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.

→ What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade.

→ Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

→ Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

→ Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

→ Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
Because they can understand them

→ How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.

→ What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

→ Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills