Indecent SMS Jokes

→  This sms can only be read by a SEXY person: Try again...... Nothing? Sorry, i guess your just not SEXY..HEY! dont force it, ugly git!!

→  Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her.

→  Ive got a tongue that'll blow ur mind let me hit u wid a 69 kiss me, caress me, slowly undress me I may seem defenceless, but baby I can fuck u senseless.

→  Don't be sad... don't feel blue... Frankenstein was ugly too...

→  Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S SHOWTIME!

→  I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in the dark

→  What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts!

→  Why are women like parking spaces?... Bcoz the good ones are always taken and the rest are all disabled!

→  A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home

→  According 2 Chinese Docs, a WoMaN'S BoDy HaS Five RooMS: 1.FACE-show room 2.BOOBS-play room        3.TUMMY-store room 4.VAGINA-men's room 5.ANUS-emergency room

→  Hi i'm an alien i'm checking for some chicks in your phonebook searching..... searching..... searching..... sorry no chicks found. conclusion, your are gay!

→  RECIPE 4 LUV CAKE:spread legs,squeeze + massage milk pots,check frequently with midfinger,add banana,work in-out till well

→  I once had a One2One with a virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me till my face went Orange, till busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!

→  Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore, Humpty Dumpty blew on the floor. All the kings horses & all the kings men, laid the slut down & fucked her again!

→  NEWSFLASH:) Earthquake in Pakistan...50,000 dead...U.S.A sending money, France sending food, Britain sending replacement paki's!!!

→  i went for a walk with my uncle jim, when somebody threw a tomato
at him, tomatos dont hurt i replied with a grin. they fucking well
do when theyre still in the tin.....

→  Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, nice friends, charming, funny, well...Enough about ME! How about you?

→  Beat me bash me bite my bum, ill whip u strip u til u cum, suck me fuck me lick me out, pull my nipples til i shout

→  Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't worry I don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!

→  sex is a sensation. It's about a man's temtation, putting his location in a woman's destination. Do you understand the explanation or do you need a demonstration?

→  BOY : May I hold your hand ??
   GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy

→  GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
   BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

→ Advantages of breast milk
A. No need to boli
B. Cat cannot steal
C.available in attractive containers
D.Liked by all age groups
E.Ek Par Ek FREE

→ 23 useless things in a man's body
20 nails cannot be hammered
2 balls u cannot throw
1 cock cannot crow
Don't laugh gals ur pussy cannot catch mouse

 

→ Cocktail	Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes u cum!
→ Triplets or Twins	I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!
→ satisfy a woman	HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN; caress, excite, cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper, console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job
→ Life is like a dick	Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!
→ Rainbow	Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!
→ Love & War	LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you!
→ Little Girl	When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace & charm,I can get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!
→ Virginity	Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever!
→ Question Time	Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur wall? A)walnuts Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur chest? A)chestnuts Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur chin? A)a mouth full of cock!
→ The Truth	QUESTION)Wots the difference between ur job & ur girlfriend? ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!!
→ Pringles	Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop, you can't stop!!
→ Marriage	A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had a choice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poor cleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits!
→ Getting Old	U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF 1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long 2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss 3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo
→ Baby Please	Of all the babes ur my selection,please dont giv me a rejection,my teeth are clean for ur inspection,so giv my mouth a tongue injection!
→ Pair of tights?	HOW MANY ANIMALS CAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS? 10 little piggies,2 calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of hares & 1 smelly fish!
→ Sex+drugs	Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get drunk & misbehav,on weed+speed +little e's,well get drunk & talk 2 trees,u only live once & den u die,so fuck em all & lets get high!
→ Men like toilets	Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS 1)dey r always out of order 2)dey stink 3)the nice ones r always engaged 4)dey consume large amounts of liquid 5)r constantlt full of shit!
→ Mary's bush	Mary Mary, quite contrary, trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!!
→ Horny	Roses are red, voilets are corny, when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!!
→ 5 bad things	5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY 1)so dis explains ur car! 2)but still work,right? 3)r u cold? 4)shood i get a pump? 5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird!
→ Hickory, dickory, dock	Hickory, dickory, dock,dis bitch woz suckin me cock,da clock struck 2,i dumped me goo,& dropped her at da end of da block
→ Mary had a little lamb	Mary had a little lamb,she kept it in da backyard,wen she took her panties off,his wooly dick got hard!
→ Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater	Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,had a wife & liked to beat her,smacked her twice around da head, Fucked her arse & went 2 bed!
→ Being a student	Being a student is so much fun,wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues,if u be my teacher in how tongues flex,we'll both graduate in hot oral sex!
→ Down on her Knees	Shes down on her knees,Eager to please,Wiv a throb of his nob in her gob,Wiv a tingle in his belly,his legs turn to jelly cos shes doin a fuckin good job!

→ Cat and the Sausage	A cat tries 2 get a sausage out of a river,but gets its paws wet,then it sees a bigger 1 but falls in!MORAL OF THE STORY?The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy!
→ Oral sex	Oral sex can b so fine,wen u do a 69,u start 2 shake,moan & quiver,den u cum just like a river,den u lick it up in vain,wipe ur lips and start again!
→ Mary's bike	Mary had a little bike,she rode it bak 2 front,all the time the wheels went round the spokes went up her cunt
→ NewsFlash	*NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL your female friends that i can get 1000 tampons for ?1, No Strings attached but for a limited period ONLY! Its A bloody good deal !
→ Nutella	I love when you stick your little fingers in me deep and lick it all . Love always , Nutella.
→ U and the Pope	do u know what's the diference between U geting laid, and the pope geting laid?? if the pope gets laid, it's a sin, and if U get laid, its a miracle!! :)
→ Old Days	in days of old wen knights were bold + condoms wernt invented they tied socks around their cocks + people like u were prevented.
→ Sex, Drugs + Birthcontrol	Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll Speed, weed and birthcontrol, lifes a bitch, then u die, so fuck the world lets get high..
→ Kiss Me	Kiss's r blown + kiss's r wasted kiss's rnt kiss's unless they r tasted, kiss's spread germz + germz hated, so kiss me BABE im vacinated!
→ How many letters	How many letters are in the Alphabet?? Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after him!
→ My Roof?	last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky.... then I thought where the fuck is my roof??
→ Foot and Mouth	mary had a little lamb,its name was little ralph,its burnin in a field right now cos its got foot and mouth
→ Blondes	What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? Some traffic signs say stop
→ Operator	This is your mobile operator and we just found out you are too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it . Thank you
→ Blonde Womens legs	what did the blondes womens left leg say to the blonde womens right leg? don't know they never met!
→ This Way Up	Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry 370HSSV 0773H
→ I love you	This time im sure about wat i feel & im gonna say it i i l i lo i lov i love i love y i love yo i love young girls with Shaven Pussys!
→ Mary's Lambs	Mary had 2 little lambs their names were Jack and Gypsy. One day they got foot and mouth and now they're black and crispy.
→ Sheep	Group of sheep in field, one says i dont feel well. The others reply shut the fuck up your get us all shot.
→ Butter	Your teeth are so yellow, i can't believe it's not butter!!!
→ Condom factory	Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
→ Yo Mama	Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her.
→ Mary Stinks	Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark as charcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole!
→ Mary's Duck	mary had a little lamb she also had a duck, she put them on the mantlepiece to see if they would fuck
→ Tampons	whats the difference between a mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?....they r all stuck up cunts!